Late Night Rambling, Vol. 4: Something for the Ghosts - 11/1/11

"I doubt you realize it, but I would've fought for you. Instead, here I am, trying to release all of the feelings that I caught for you. I'm not like other guys, I don't have the 'off switch' they have. I know there are other fish in the sea, but you're the Moby to my Ahab. That's not to say that you were supposed to be my greatest catch, but you were meant to be the one that mattered. Splattered memories now cover the walls of that corner of my mind. You're almost like an apparition of sorts, wandering through my mind in the form that suits my emotions best; remembering you as the smiling, stylish bookworm, not the scarred girl that knew how to be emotionless. This is no affront to you as person. This is just me getting out my feelings before my condition worsens. It's dangerous to harbor emotions. Going through the motions of life with notions of strife between one feeling and another is like asking to suffer; those notions will cause commotions that will eventually make scars come open. It's amazing how pain comes from a place of resonance, familiar as it harkens back to a point of reference. I could pour my heart out, but all it would do is remind me of all of the things that I have put behind me. That's not a place I ever wanted you to go...but these are things that I wanted you to know. I appreciated your damages; I have some too. I just don't let them affect me like you do. I try to take people at face value, while you start people off at a base value. Just know that that's going to run some people away. I'm all for earning trust and respect, but if I have to work just to get to zero and THEN go up from there, what else can you expect? It's crazy how you want this and that, but go back to what you're used to...and when you leave it again, you'll find a better copy to move to. I just want you to break your mold...try some new things. See what variety brings. Someone with your immense potential shouldn't be limited...why must you continue to see what your limit is? You take as much as you can then you leave it alone, when you should've just improved on your own. It seems as though that's your hangup, your preferred problem. If that's the case, then so be it. I just wish you the clarity and soundness of mind to one day see it. Happiness could be your claim to fame, success is yours to attain, and consistency is out there to gain. I want it all for you, but you have to want it for yourself. Somewhere in there, you do. But there's a greater part of you that sees the tumult as a teacher, as a growing process. Sure, it does take strength to gain wisdom by taking lumps. However, the sage picks up the knowledge he or she needs by being strong enough to put down the conclusions he or she wants. Manifest physical successes by changing your thought processes. Romances start with chances...but let me stop rambling about you not gambling. We've all taken losses, don't get so caught up in yours. A closed mind never opened up any doors."

This isn't about any one person...it goes out to the ghosts.

-A. Lewis