Sunday, February 15, 2015

4:44 AM

You'll hear from me
When I'm not hearing from anyone else.
That said...
I can't tell if I'm fooling you,
Or fooling myself.
Does it mean we're so close
That we don't have to talk often?
Our relationship is special,
And we do give each other room to blossom.
I mean...you are awesome.
But why do I only think of you when I'm lonesome?
Does it mean you're just convenient?
Sticking around, waiting for more,
Offering benefits that I'm reaping?
It's confusing...
But there's so much certainty.
I know you'll pick up.
I know you'll come.
I know it's good...
I know I'll come.
All that coming,
Yet we can't arrive at a conclusion.
Feels real in those moments...
But in retrospect, it's like an illusion.
...is it a delusion?
Are we deceived by how close we get
Not realizing how distant we really are?
Never more than a text away,
Doubts get sexed away,
But once getting pulled back in wears off,
Our personal lives seem really far.
Different pages
Different chapters
Different books
Different genres
What does that all mean,
If our love of reading is what we have in common?
We've searched for each other's deeper meanings
We appreciate how our life stories have been written
Most people just read a chapter or two
And think that first spark means they're smitten.
I wish our situation was that simple.
All of these feelings between us
Is it a mine field, or a garden of common ground?
I'm as uncertain as ever...
But, I'm sure I want you around.
...right now.
In this instant.
While my options have gone missing.
Need the security, the familiar warmth, of something consistent.

-A. Lewis

Saturday, February 14, 2015

3:58 AM (Poem x Rant)

Tell me...
Is there a character limit to my approach?
Does the attention you receive
Lead you to believe
That your actions are above reproach?
Is articulation too much for the span of your attention?
If I go beyond 140 spaces,
Am I just "spam,"
And my interest isn't worth a mention?
Do you only want a love that you can share,
That you can retweet?
Do you only want a man that other women favorite,
So you can prematurely claim him to feel complete?
Would you then no longer like him
If he didn't inspire many to comment on what you all posted?
Intimacy is longer than six seconds,
And connections don't happen in a snap.
I swear sometimes,
It feels like all of this social media stuff is a trap.

We feel so important, so self-aware,
Yet there's details about everyone posted everywhere.
Our attention gets whittled down to the next update.
Only time our minds run normally?
When we're up late.
So concerned with the personas we create
That we can't even proficiently communicate
Or simply relate.
No one wants to simply be a post
A trending topic
A hashtag.
Relationships are so much more.
It's all about attention and status updates now, though
Far more than nurturing and developing a beautiful rapport.
A culture sharing and what's next...
A culture of serial dating and misleading sex.
Sharing ourselves like our pages
And no, that's not implicit slut shaming.
Quick to let our guards down because we want quick results.
Expedient vulnerability leading to even quicker heartbreak,
While the ones most deserving can't even get a fair shake.
Then there are those whose apathy is feigned
Paper walls up so high, emotions so restrained
So afraid of being hurt,
That they live in a land of familiar, maintained pain.
What an interesting state of affairs...
High stakes, higher pace.
People aren't profiles though.
Instead of seeking instantaneous, intense romance,
We need to learn to take things slow.
Coldly clicking, swiping, scrolling, and liking
But face-to-face conversation will always light fires that grow.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

5:07 AM

Murky waters
The joy of swimming
The adrenaline rush of limited sight
I don't know where this is going.
I understand that it's flowing,
But it's all so unclear.
We're supposed to be in this together
Yet, you're nowhere near.
You used to be...
I suppose you've gotten used to me.
Dog-paddling in a pond of puppy love
Everything was great
Next thing I know,
I'm in an ocean of emotional commotion
And we don't really relate
While struggling to communicate.
Life jacket on to keep from getting hurt,
But it's filled with fear.
Learned to carry it from past experiences
I suppose I didn't learn enough
If all I do is prepare for more of the same.
Feelings deep enough to drown in
Too dark to locate the surface.
Was this done on purpose?
Do you confuse me to have me trapped?
Lost, bewildered,
Left with no choice other than eating from your lap?
Or was this an accident?
Simply what happens
When you're too deep too soon?
Nah...
If that were the case,
There wouldn't be so much darkness.
Deep down, the grey area became black.
I'm just trying to get back.
It's all too unclear.
I understand that it's flowing,
But I don't know where this is going.
The lack of sight is troubling
Swimming in my own confusion is tiresome
Murky waters.

-A. Lewis

Friday, February 6, 2015

6:13 AM

I've picked you up
I've put you down.
I've carried you with me,
At times,
And I've thrown you around.

I've left you here
I've left you there.
I've misplaced you many times,
Just to find you again,
All without a care.

I've broken you a few times
I've patched you up a bit.
Some were mistakes,
Some was negligence,
But I never apologized for any of it.

I've let you fall into the hands of others
I've snatched you back.
I've held you close to my chest
I've also let you slip through the cracks.

I never thought it would change
Never thought you'd be gone.
I treated you like a trinket
Now, someone treasures you as his own.

They say "you don't know what you have..."
Until absence supplants it
However, I knew exactly what was in my life;
I just willingly took it for granted.

-A. Lewis

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

4:57 AM

My knuckles might get sore
From rapping at your door
But there are things between us
We'd be fools to ignore. 

My pulse is on some deathly level
While anticipation lives and breeds.
The heart wants what it wants
But don't our souls have needs? 

Your vibrations are otherworldly...

Like nothing I've ever known. 
You're my vacation and staycation,
Taking me places I've never been,
And always feeling like home.
Feelings have more than grown...

They've blossomed. 

I'm here with a bouquet in my soul,
A garden of feelings in my heart,
Seeds requiring attention in my mind,
And a body that would rather root than be apart.
I knew you were special from the start,

But now you're even more.
My knuckles might get sore
From rapping at your door
But there are things between us
We'd be fools to ignore.

So will you let me in? 
I'm already there...
You already care...
Can the charade end?

'Cuz I'll keep knocking.
Pride has a finite lifespan
When it's employed for blocking.
The longer I'm here
The more your door's unlocking.

Time elapses more
Your defenses collapse, for sure
We now have a love that most adore
Because there are things between us
We refuse to ignore.

-A. Lewis

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

7:18 AM

Unrequited feelings
Slowly drift back into the darkness,
The echoing caverns of our souls,
At this time.
The rising sun
Vanquishes them,
Like the vampires they are.
Sucking the life
Out of the night's silence
With endless chatter
About emotional grey matter.
The morning puts it all to rest.
Life begins anew.
Do know, though,
That they will visit again.
Around 2 or 3 in the morning,
When "late" really sets in.
The echoing caverns of our souls
Will slowly drift back into the darkness
Of the night.
Unrequited feelings.

-A. Lewis