A Freestyle Piece: Thinking About Forever - 11/29/11

‎"Let's focus on the distance between now and then...rather than focus on avoiding how it ends. Time, and how it rends, is the subject of songs, poems, and such. It causes a pain so visceral that it can almost be touched. I've heard of literal broken hearts, women visibly worn down by emotional stress...unless you want that type of duress, love more, think less. The mind contrives an end to everything; that's just how logic works. But this? This love we've got? It's illogical, improbable, and supposed to be impossible. In an age of 'love and let go,' 'kiss and tell,' 'hit and quit,' and 'put an angel through hell,' we're avoiding labels and the statistics shown on tables. This is love in the raw...the kind of heart-enthralling feeling that wakes you up, puts you to sleep, shallows your connections to the insignificant, and tethers you to the deep. Forever is the only place for this kind of love. Time and space are the only capacities endless enough for this limitless love...when we're dead and gone, our love will echo through the cosmos, vibrating in the hearts of those as passionate as we, reverberating in the connections between lovers as fortunate us. See, I've been thinking about forever: your existence quantifies it for me."

-A. Lewis

Late Night Rambling, Vol. 7: A Bit of Reflection - 11/28/11

‎"If you knew how I felt, you'd wonder where it all came from. I almost wonder myself. How can a lonely person spread love so passionately...how can a person continue to give and give with so little reciprocity? I honestly don't know. But I'm so thankful for the seemingly endless love that's within me. It brings me joy to spread knowledge, provoke thought, and create smiles. I was blessed to believe in and commit to the greater good at a young age...and it's what I hold on to. My friends are a reflection of that; they are people that are trying to do things for themselves and for a better future. I may rarely see them, but I feel like they know it's all love coming from this direction. I greatly appreciate their presences. Just late night rambling...don't mind me."

-A. Lewis

Make A Connection! - 11/28/11

‎"Are we so affected by social media that we can't even take the time to understand someone new? Are we so used to profiles that we expect to know all we need to know about someone in one measly conversation over the phone? Why are we trying to glean emotions, meanings, and inflections out of text messages? Does a facebook relationship status mean more than a heart's affirmation? Why don't we give anyone a fair chance anymore? Is that really where we are? We give someone a textual conversation and a phone conversation to stir our interests, and if they fail or don't meet expectations, that's it? We don't allow time to establish connections anymore...technology has increased the speed of the world. I don't buy into that. I do everything at my own pace, taking care and being deliberate as I go. Opportunities may pass me as I stop to inhale the inherent perfume of the proverbial roses, but isn't the ability to stop and separate myself from the society around me an opportunity in itself? I believe so. Slow down...get to know someone. Get to know yourself. Make a connection!"

-A. Lewis

Late Night Rambling, Vol. 6: Baggage - 11//28/11

"Last I checked, there was no such thing as 'designer' baggage. It's not like you can say it's Louis Vuitton or Hermes; there's no way to make it attractive or enticing. Either put that stuff down somewhere or deal with the encumbrance on your own...just don't bring it around me. I deal with luggage, the things that are with me as I'm going places. Not that stuff that keeps people down."

-A. Lewis

A Quote: Intolerance - 11/28/11

"Intolerance is the yardstick by which we measure the true distance between one human being and another. If a man resolves not to befriend, speak to, understand, or even simply respect another man, there is a distance between them that physical proximity could never show."

-A. Lewis

A Freestyle Piece: Nothing's Ever New to You - 11/19/11

"Nothing's ever new to you. You spend the day jaded, spend the night faded, all while dreaming of what the right man would do to you. In the meantime, you continue selling dreams, buying favors, and bartering your essence for money and glasses of over-priced effervescence. Nothing's ever new to you. How is anyone supposed to get through to you when you only let your guard down when the risk is greater than the reward? Russian Roulette is not a game for the heart, but if pain makes you feel better, and neglect makes you feel important, logic was a non-factor from the start. Your values are warped...you don't even understand yourself. Anything other than confusion would be an intrusion into your mental maelstrom though. That's why I'm letting this go. You're not even completely honest with yourself, so why would I be true to you? Just another good guy leaving you alone. Nothing's ever new to you. That's the problem; waiting on someone new while you still have the same old mindset."

-A. Lewis

Late Night Rambling, Vol. 5: Coin Tosses - 11/19/11

"For every coin in this world, there are two sides. Then, there is the edge, the perimeter. We often see one side or the other, but rarely consider the sliver that separates the two. This is often where the truth hides, waiting to be discovered. What is interesting is that while both sides have images, they lie flat, depriving the viewer of the other side. The edge allows the coin to stand, revealing both sides. It would seem that the edge is the truth, each side is a perspective, and the coin is an argument, an issue, an indictment, etc. The question now arises: do you believe in coin tosses, aka taking sides, or do you believe in observing the edge, viewing the big picture from the edges in?"

-A. Lewis

"Dead or In Jail" - 11/16/11

"'Dead or in jail.' Those are the options given to Black youth. It was meant in a physical sense, but it has now become an occupational truth. Racism has changed; it has evolved. What was once cavalier about spraying hoses and tying nooses is now an institution that hides behind corporate walls and deliberately picks and chooses. If your name is out of the acceptable range of normalcy, your resume is tossed aside, no matter how many credentials over which you preside. That's only the tip of the iceberg though. It runs much deeper...so deep that it is in the minds of Blacks that are climbing towards success. They are given the same two options: dead or in jail. To choose death is to choose a more fulfilling career, one that is more concerned with blazing a trail for youth than doing precisely and only what one is told while appearing to be whatever is perceived as couth. In that choice, one's career dies. It is suicide to question 'who am I' while stepping on others, sisters and brothers that would love just to reach where you've been. A coffin awaits the career of an individual that stops their ascent to assist too many people of non-White descent. Most would believe that you were fortunate to achieve any high level of success, that it was based more on benevolence than determination. With that belief in tow, should enough people see you reach for those below, they will call for your termination.There is no award or promotion for extending a hand to those who need a lift. Not when those people are the ones that are kept in the dark just to buy whatever may be marketed as the brightest gift. Not when those people are the ones that don't know their own strength, don't know their own power, don't know that the sweetest things they receive would elsewhere be considered sour. There is no reward, no corner office, no tenure, nothing outside of personal peace. The other side promises those things, at least. To choose jail is to choose to shun those at the bottom shake hands with those at the top, those who believe the inward flow of money should grow, rarely slow, and never stop. You get your degree or degrees, get on your knees, beg and plead, and get the job at a place with an impeccable reputation. You'll be in a high position with high pay, feeling as though you reached success the right way. But that's when it hits you. You're the only Negro you know that has reached this plateau. Your company isn't known for diversity, and there people around you that are less qualified. Your importance is quantified: they needed one person of color. Brother, you're just there because your ethnicity gives some form of validity to their claims of 'equal opportunity' employment. And this is only the beginning of the end of your enjoyment. You won't receive the praise or bonuses that others do. You may not even see things that others view. As it sets in and you realize that following all the rules and acting exactly as the say, it becomes clear that you're running on a hamster wheel every day. But there's no turning back. You've tried so hard to assimilate that any backtracking is considered to be you 'trying to turn Black.' Your people won't want to relate to you anymore. You'll just be in No Man's Land with your nice job and nice pay, trying to figure out how to have a nice day and say things to your coworkers in a 'nice' way. You're basically in jail, trapped in cell that has 4 walls consisting of 'acceptable' behavior, stereotypes, a broken culture, and racism; it also features a glass ceiling. Your daily rations are the simple facts that you've been included in a world that wasn't meant for you and that you're fortunate they even sent for you. What a career that would be.

So what is a young Black professional to do? Stay true. There are those that will be left behind, but many will keep up. One must keep in mind that in our community, success doesn't mean kicking one's feet up. Find a way to make money and be able to give back. Money may do a lot, but love hits home; it means more to give that. Be an example, show the youth that they can do it. Instead of 'dead or in jail,' 'alive and living well' should be the movement. Remind them that White people aren't racist; our society is. There are plenty of them that are 'in jail,' that is, working a job that has them dying to live. The goal is for success to be an heirloom of sorts, passed down from one generation to the next. That way, pride can be restored when professionals say 'our generation did our best,' while imploring the youth to say "our generation will outdo the rest.' It's a necessary paradigm shift. We need for 'dead or in jail' to one day sound as farfetched as a myth.

-A. Lewis

A Freestyle Piece: Makeup to Make Up - 11/16/11

"My words fell on deaf cheeks, compliments stifled by a belief that beauty is only as deep as the coat of makeup. Her eyes were shadowed by insecurity, never shining or looking directly at another for fear of being seen rather than looked at; eyes lined with fear. Blush was ubiquitous, as she was constantly embarrassed for herself. Her foundation was irony, considering she had no ground to stand on. Her self-esteem washed on and off, she drew on confidence, and, to her, her looks were purchased in bottles. MAC, L'Oreal, and CoverGirl were all like private plastic surgeons, giving her a 'perfect' face whenever she desired. She wore red lipstick for the days when her lips were so bound together by timidity that she only read lips and couldn't speak. Every other day they were nude, the only time she would be bare, the only time she would simply show herself. She was the only person that could see through it all, her saline tears searing through the layers of vanity like acid through a stack of paper. And when it was all said and done...she and herself had to make up before she could put on any more makeup."

-A. Lewis

A Freestyle Piece: C.P.R. - 11/12/11

"Why do I write to women? Because I've met so many of the right women. It just so happened to be the wrong time...which is like having the right poem with the wrong line...it doesn't work. It doesn't fit. But I swear on everything that those ladies are legit. One's off at school and even though I hide it, I miss her dearly. If you knew how I felt you'd see it clearly. She was the first to steal my heart, and she still has a piece. Her well being will forever play a part in my inner peace. I told her I would marry her; that's how much I enjoyed her presence. Now, I haven't seen or talked to her in so long that I'd probably be bewildered by her essence. I can't put into words how much I care, but I can guarantee that there will always be nothing but love right there. I couldn't help but become attached...it was as though I'd found my match. Maybe one day she'll come back. There's another one that's special but we rarely speak. I had strong feelings just to find out that hers were weak. She said I did nothing wrong. I felt I tried too hard for too long, just to fall short of wooing the young lady I wanted to court. Her future means a lot to me...her loveliness in the present got to me, and her past is likely what put a stop to me. No hard feelings lie in between, just a bit of distance. But if she ever needed a thing, I'd be there in an instant. Then there's the two that got to me too early...if I could, I would go back, and I know that surely. One's God-fearing and creative, the other can always make me smile; the first is a cherished friend, the second makes me wonder what could've been, though I haven't seen or heard from either one in a while. Both of them cared about me before I truly did...so I tried to push them away like an unruly kid. I thanked God when they came back, saw it as progress. Loving oneself is a process, and they played important parts. I just wish I could've been kinder to their hearts. Can't forget about the young one...been enamored with her for years. She's always been so far ahead of all of her peers. Watched her grow up in front of my eyes; always felt like we should've dated, but she made questionable choices with guys. I was never upfront about my feelings though, worked around my feelings so...I ended up as a friend. Felt like that was good, I knew I'd hold her down 'til the end. Love to see her smile, can't wait to see her shine. She'll do great things, whether she's with someone else or she ends up being mine. There are many other greats that I'll choose not to praise. I don't hear from them at all; our time talking was just a phase. I don't blame them though, it went both ways. I did too much too soon and they never did enough; you can't text a girl 'good morning' if she doesn't care when you wake up. What's a date to a girl with multiple offers on her plate? Can't expect her to commit when guys are so easy for her to replace. That's enough of all that though, I'll just say I learned my lessons; I know I missed out on some blessings. They missed out on one too. I hope I at least broke down some walls so the next guy can come through. Just some contemplation...on my past relations...seeking emotional resuscitation through gaining perspective on situations and their respective iterations..."










-A. Lewis

A Freestyle Piece: About Those Curves - 11/12/11

"It's crazy how that ass is so thick, but your trust runs so thin...you have no problem with penis, but you can't let love in. That's why you like sex, when a man is in control...all those emotions begin flowing and you forget that you aren't whole. Cold thoughts, warm shots, loud music, quiet dreams. You want better for yourself, but that isn't how it seems. Dating all the wrong men just to feel... right; selling yourself short just to feel spite. Drama doesn't equate to importance, don't believe the hype. The person kept warm by rumors in the day will still be cold at night. That body is amazing...but the truth is that your mind is what could truly have guys crazing. Recognize your assets...maximize your worth. Realize that a woman is the most precious resource on earth. Your body is a benefit; a physical pleasure and an initial reason to give a sh*t. Appreciation starts there. Only lost men ever find their hearts there. Focus on the inner you...if loving someone is a job, loving yourself is the interview..."
-A. Lewis

Late Night Rambling, Vol. 4: Something for the Ghosts - 11/1/11

"I doubt you realize it, but I would've fought for you. Instead, here I am, trying to release all of the feelings that I caught for you. I'm not like other guys, I don't have the 'off switch' they have. I know there are other fish in the sea, but you're the Moby to my Ahab. That's not to say that you were supposed to be my greatest catch, but you were meant to be the one that mattered. Splattered memories now cover the walls of that corner of my mind. You're almost like an apparition of sorts, wandering through my mind in the form that suits my emotions best; remembering you as the smiling, stylish bookworm, not the scarred girl that knew how to be emotionless. This is no affront to you as person. This is just me getting out my feelings before my condition worsens. It's dangerous to harbor emotions. Going through the motions of life with notions of strife between one feeling and another is like asking to suffer; those notions will cause commotions that will eventually make scars come open. It's amazing how pain comes from a place of resonance, familiar as it harkens back to a point of reference. I could pour my heart out, but all it would do is remind me of all of the things that I have put behind me. That's not a place I ever wanted you to go...but these are things that I wanted you to know. I appreciated your damages; I have some too. I just don't let them affect me like you do. I try to take people at face value, while you start people off at a base value. Just know that that's going to run some people away. I'm all for earning trust and respect, but if I have to work just to get to zero and THEN go up from there, what else can you expect? It's crazy how you want this and that, but go back to what you're used to...and when you leave it again, you'll find a better copy to move to. I just want you to break your mold...try some new things. See what variety brings. Someone with your immense potential shouldn't be limited...why must you continue to see what your limit is? You take as much as you can then you leave it alone, when you should've just improved on your own. It seems as though that's your hangup, your preferred problem. If that's the case, then so be it. I just wish you the clarity and soundness of mind to one day see it. Happiness could be your claim to fame, success is yours to attain, and consistency is out there to gain. I want it all for you, but you have to want it for yourself. Somewhere in there, you do. But there's a greater part of you that sees the tumult as a teacher, as a growing process. Sure, it does take strength to gain wisdom by taking lumps. However, the sage picks up the knowledge he or she needs by being strong enough to put down the conclusions he or she wants. Manifest physical successes by changing your thought processes. Romances start with chances...but let me stop rambling about you not gambling. We've all taken losses, don't get so caught up in yours. A closed mind never opened up any doors."

This isn't about any one person...it goes out to the ghosts.

-A. Lewis