To Confess, To Profess; Of Congress, Of Progress - 8/14/09

If I told you I loved you, you wouldn't believe it
But this mental intercourse we have could birth love, if you'll conceive it
I know you think I'll leave you while you're in the throes of love, but baby I got you
You see, I could never imagine feeling this way with a woman that's not you.

Sure there were other females before you,
But they surely were not women,
For it takes a true woman to wrest the essence of a man out of a boy.
I was but a striking young lad,
Illusioned with visions of the fun to be had;
Had I known that puberty was not puberty,
But the mere birth of the male essence within me,
I would not have taken the path I so hastily chose.
Once my testicles dropped, the blood rushed down from my head
With the fervor with which a river flows.
Tender blows,
Were delivered to my innocence the night I lost my virginity.
At that point, I perceived myself a man,
Inherently and involuntarily conceding that the constant inflation of my ego was the plan.
I baffled women, for they could not understand how a guy that came off
Sweet, securing, and appealing
Could be so pigheaded, and treat them like dirt after admitting feelings.
They did not see that it was all about my ego,
That hurt and scorn would follow anywhere we'd go
And that it would take them a quarter lifetime to see so.
Any all measures I considered just, when in the conquest to bust.
It was that simple.
If there was one female I wanted but couldn't get,
Never did I fret because there were more to hit.

But then...I got raped.
Never before had a woman gotten into my head...
And you, you really were a woman.
You made love to my thoughts when I didn't consent,
Concentrating on mind and soul while neglecting body.
You took away what I was ironically in control of,
For I controlled my body while fettered by my ego.
You touched my deepest thoughts without asking, without trying,
You broke me down without prying.
No longer was there some aesthetic Anubis,
But a fragile boy shrouded in immaturity
Plagued by selfishness
Reared by repression of self.
You gave that boy a hug, and he fell in love.
From that moment, my true puberty began,
As I climb tirelessly up the steps to manhood.
But to complete this journey, not only must I traverse myself;
Not only must I subjugate my ego to be better
Must I free my actions from their fetters
Must I efface myself to the level of man
Must I walk in reverse down the path I ran,
I must also accept something:

That I was not a man, before I knew you
That I as a man, will do nothing hurtful to you
That as a man, I will uphold honesty and sincerity
And that my actions will be ripe with moral clarity.
I doth solemnly swear to uphold these claims and more
For I am now a man and a man hath things he stands for.
I desire to be the best man that I can be,
And that entails you clearing a path for me
I want your love in my life, to show me who I need to become
So that you and I can make the passionate leap to being one
I need your compassion to keep my heart tender
So that I may love this world and all its splendor
For in you lies the seeds to my growth as a man
And to you now I extend my hand.
So please my love, join me on this journey we call life
So that we may discover and enjoy it all together, as man and wife.

-A. Lewis