Rather than discuss the current topics, I'd like to speak on what I believe got us to this point. I call it "The Schism of the Lost Years: The Division of the Black Man and Woman, and its effects on the Black Dating and Family Dynamics." It begins with the end of the Civil Rights movement, a time in which we were at one of our strongest points, and had coalesced in a revolutionary manner. We had leaders, martyrs, and role models. We were a people. However, all of that became misplaced once we had been appeased. Such dedication and power became aimless...the strong Black men began to fall prey to the toxic lull of power...they felt invincible and began to live as such...prompting them to delve into drug dealing, among other things. At the same time, Black women, who were feeling empowered and beautiful, were beginning to see how White women were treated(through being in proximity since they were being integrated), as their husbands began to change. White women were submissive, and their husbands did sometimes beat and/or mistreat them; couple that with the "strong Black woman" label being plastered on them, and the recipe for their independence was in place. As man became invincible and indispensible, and the woman became independent, the schism began. She wanted her own, and since the Black man was becoming a commodity, he let her go, assuming (arrogantly so) that there were more fish in the proverbial sea. And so, the division began. And from there, it has dilapidated to this.
Then someone spoke on women being fed the ideal of 'independence' and such...
And the Black women I described in my comment latched on to that ideal they were fed. White women wanted to be equal to men, but only in a political sense. Once they got the right to vote, they went right back to their normal roles. Black women wanted to be literal EQUALS to Black men, so that they could be as independent as a man, as powerful as a man, etc. As you said, they are now laying in the cold a$$ bed they made. No straight man wants to date another man, and since you're acting like a man, he's going to treat you like one: as a FRIEND. THAT'S why successful women don't get far. You're on his level to the point that you're like one of the guys. You've lost your femininity. Sure those women are beautiful and successful, but are they actually womanly? Are they still tender, loving individuals? Can they do the tradition "cooking and cleaning?" Can they still appreciate what a man does if they're doing it, or even doing it better? Answer those questions in your head, I'm sure you can. There's nothing wrong with being independent, but you HAVE to know what that means. That means you don't need anyone. That means you are alone, and do for self. A single woman is looking for a man, but an independent woman is looking to supplant a man. Let's get some understanding!
Let's go one step further...Black women are latching on to "independent" like they did "strong Black woman." They are trying to live and fulfill that title, as though it is the purpose and light of their existence. All you hear is "oh I'm independent, I don't need a man." Well if you don't need one, how can you get one? LADIES NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT AT THE VERY CORE, MEN NEED TO BE NEEDED! IF HE DOESN'T FEEL AS THOUGH YOU NEED HIM, HE WON'T STICK AROUND! A man has to be a man, which is why some get offended when the woman won't let them pay for the date. Men are more fragile than women think...and to deny his manhood hurts. You can turn a gent into a manwhore like that. Stop supplanting your need to be loved with a desire to be that which is supposed to love you! MOST SUCCESSFUL BLACK WOMEN WANT OUT OF A MAN WHAT THEY HAVE, SINCE THEY'RE BASICALLY THE SUCCESSFUL MAN THEY DESIRE! Their ambitions are taking Black men out of the equation, especially since there are fewer and fewer Black men!
I know good and well that there are some prodigious Black women out here waiting to bless a man with all the spectacular things they have to offer. I'm just speaking on the types that were in the video, the ones that are literally inhibiting their own dating lives. I'm usually speaking in general terms, unless otherwise noted. That video almost brought a tear to my eye because it pained me deeply to see that these women were downing themselves and starting settle partially because we as Black men have completely dropped the ball.
I'm only going in on Black women because that's what this is about. I could go on for days and days about Black men, although our problems are simple. For one, there aren't enough men. Too many boys and aimless lads, to be frank. Second, we're too arrogant. We believe we can have it all, so we try to, and put marriage aside. Third, their aren't enough marriages for our young men to truly understand the sanctity of marriage. Four, our young men are so enthralled with money and culture that they've become blind to the true riches: love family and happiness. And five, men in general are too focused on the masculinity of being a man, rather than the responsibility and accountability of being one. Those are the five points. Either we fix them or things stay the same.
And that's the extent of what I've said...please do comment or "like" or whatever else it is you feel compelled to do, lol. This will not be up for too terribly long, as I'll delete if off when I feel you're all done with it; Facebook can own anything I post, as far as Notes. Can't have that. haha.
-A. Lewis
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