Handwritten - 6/26/15

Let's go where wi-fi can't reach us, and practice real connectivity.
Leave the touchscreens, and find out about real levels of sensitivity.
Social media didn't ruin relationships,
And neither did technology.
However, both have changed how we communicate,
Which has affect our methodology.
Thanks to notifications, we're afraid to speak first or text twice.
Too busy worrying about how things might look,
Rather than what feels right.
Desiring companionship is considered everything but normal,
And often associated with weakness,
Yet people wonder why their outlooks are peppered with bleakness.
Profiles are facades, no matter how honest they are.
Without feeling our energy, no one can truly know who we really are.
Text messages lose the quality of tone;
Without it, the intended emotions and feelings are gone.
People are left with mere perception alone,
Which leads to misunderstandings aplenty.
I don't mean to imply that texts are empty,
But they often complicate conversations that could be had simply.
Beyond the tweets and messages,
Beyond the likes and comments,
There are deeper levels of connection;
The ones that make sparks fly like comets.
Rather than refresh feeds and pages,
We should be refreshing our minds and spirits in compelling places.
Mutual friends are cool, but what about connecting through mutual beliefs?
Rather than similar relationship goals,
What about mutual ambitions, and a desire to see each other succeed?
Seems like we focus on what we see on screens,
Which is ineffective, since we all curate those things.
Instead, we should be seeking admissions only heard in moments undressed by trust.
Meaningful facts that have to be bared.
We all choose what we share, but filters disappear when we care.
Our raw selves are rough, but our flaws are what make us perfect.
Requiring effort and understanding makes us worth it.
Conversation is a lost art; let's unearth it.
There are feelings to be felt that defy wording;
There are beautiful times to be had, and we all deserve it.

-TAA

Interested (In You) - 6/27/15

May my intentions reach your heart clearly,
And my actions speak loudly enough for your trust to hear me.
I understand that you have guards up,
But I'm not in the business of knocking walls down.
Instead of demolition, I hope I'm in a position
Where I make you laugh until the blockade falls down.
Of course I want you physically;
That's a part of attraction.
However, seeing you smile,
And being your spare calm when things get wild,
Mean more than providing sexual satisfaction.
...although I do plan on offering that in spades.
The thing is,
Sex too soon can lead to emotional escapades,
Since it escalates feelings exponentially:
From "we're just talking,"
To twitter and instagram stalking, instantly.
I'd much rather practice romance and friendship consistently,
Build on that consistency,
And see if our hearts begin to yearn for each other more insistently.
We can even both begin with options,
As long it's agreed that when sharing is no longer optional, we drop them.
Whatever it takes to see this through.
As the saying goes, I've got a love jones for you.
I'd be humbly thrilled to see you shine and grow in my light and love,
But for now, you're just the one I'm thinking of.
I look forward to getting to know you, and I mean that sincerely.
May my intentions reach your heart clearly,
And my actions speak loudly enough for your trust to hear me.

-TAA

3:18 AM

No matter how great a night turns out...
Before the lights turn out,
You'll creep up on me.
Getting home and chilling alone,
The events of the night slowly fade.
Despite the memories made,
I find myself thinking about you.
What's a good time without you?
It's always great to see you enjoy yourself;
Our great times are unlike any else.
I'd love to share my fun,
Seeing as I don't share these thoughts.
Instead,
I'll just go shower, and get in the bed,
Counting the sheep in your field of forget-me-nots.
The same place you always hide.
Maybe one day I'll close the chapter,
But for now, I'll settle for rest and close my eyes.

-TAA

6:05 AM

Why is it that every time I miss you
You make it seem like a non-issue?

Why is it that every time I want to see you
It feels like I don't even have a way to reach you?

Why do you always go missing?
When you know my feelings are so insistent...

...consistent, persistent.
All three apply.
When it comes to you,
The well just won't run dry.
I dig deeper and deeper,
All I do is try.
All I want is a little reciprocity,
And you just can't seem to comply.
Caring defies logic,
Yet, on my feelings, you can rely.
I'm always interested in your conversation,
Yet, I never want to pry.
I also want to tell you that I don't care anymore,
But, I'm not one to tell such a stark lie.
I've always felt we could be something special,
That our story was written in the sky.
I've been vocal about it all;
I've heard nothing even close to a reply.
I wish you'd give me some answers;
Maybe things would be clear enough for me to say "goodbye."
Deep down, you know nothing keeps a gentle heart around
Like letting it spin its wheels on the endless carousel of "why."
Too kind to get fed up,
Too hopeful to let "maybe" pass by.
Such is the nature of our bond;
The complexity of you and I.
It could all be so simple,
But before you let me get close, you'd rather die.
And you're afraid that letting me in
Would allow me to learn why.

-TAA

4:16 AM

My views on love
Have changed with the times.
Maybe...
Just maybe, you can change my mind.
It's tough out here.
Some bring old dirt into new homes;
Others shack up,
Just to more comfortably roam.
None of us really want to be alone,
But we don't even know how to thrive independently.
...which I suppose is why we develop dependency.
Feelings often seem mature
While connections are in their infancy.
Infatuation is just a matter of initial intensity,
Emotions overwhelmed by new stimulation.
Though sticky, it's a temporary situation;
That phase will give way to what's real,
Though that flame, that sensation
Should be a reminder of why both parties decided to build.
The thing is,
Someone worth the effort
Can be hard to find.
My views on love
Have changed with the times.
Maybe...
Just maybe, you can change my mind.
Dating often feels like work.
And no one wants to give effort to an eventual lost cause.
However,
We should all put the prognostication on pause.
We're so afraid of having the rug pulled,
So afraid of getting hurt, we won't even text people first.
Forever misconstruing "thirst,"
Tainting the future by assuming the worst.
Quite a defense mechanism,
Seeing as we're not really afraid of those things.
What's truly scary is someone seeing our true, raw selves,
And knowing what that means.
Giving someone the power to cut where the scars already are,
And knowing what that brings.
Vulnerability.
That's a word we avoid, a word we deny,
A word that leads to stories of affection told from one side.
Miscommunication runs rampant,
Trust issues end up at an all-time high.
It can be difficult to find someone
That simply inspires me to try.
The thing is,
My views on love
Have changed with the times.
Maybe...
Just maybe, you can change my mind.

-TAA

3:58 AM

I really do...
I still do.

I know I shouldn't,
But I still care.
The feelings
Those damn feelings
Still there.
Memories flicker
Like flames deep within in a cave;
I assume the winds of time will extinguish,
But they merely provide the sway.
Shadows dance along the walls,
And I care for you, yet another day.
We just couldn't get it right.
Attempting to connect
Was like trying to start a fire;
I suppose that's why sparks flew
I suppose that's why it burned us both.
I suppose that's why I still feel warmth,
When I hold those memories close.
Time may heal all wounds,
But it cannot make us immune
To the recurrent ache of heartbreak,
Nor spare us the gloom.
So, deep in the darkness of my scars
Where the light of learning a lesson can't reach,
Memories flicker
Like flames deep within a cave.
Still there.
Those damn feelings
The feelings.
I still care,
But, I know I shouldn't.

...yet, I still do.
I really do.

-TAA

4:44 AM

You'll hear from me
When I'm not hearing from anyone else.
That said...
I can't tell if I'm fooling you,
Or fooling myself.
Does it mean we're so close
That we don't have to talk often?
Our relationship is special,
And we do give each other room to blossom.
I mean...you are awesome.
But why do I only think of you when I'm lonesome?
Does it mean you're just convenient?
Sticking around, waiting for more,
Offering benefits that I'm reaping?
It's confusing...
But there's so much certainty.
I know you'll pick up.
I know you'll come.
I know it's good...
I know I'll come.
All that coming,
Yet we can't arrive at a conclusion.
Feels real in those moments...
But in retrospect, it's like an illusion.
...is it a delusion?
Are we deceived by how close we get
Not realizing how distant we really are?
Never more than a text away,
Doubts get sexed away,
But once getting pulled back in wears off,
Our personal lives seem really far.
Different pages
Different chapters
Different books
Different genres
What does that all mean,
If our love of reading is what we have in common?
We've searched for each other's deeper meanings
We appreciate how our life stories have been written
Most people just read a chapter or two
And think that first spark means they're smitten.
I wish our situation was that simple.
All of these feelings between us
Is it a mine field, or a garden of common ground?
I'm as uncertain as ever...
But, I'm sure I want you around.
...right now.
In this instant.
While my options have gone missing.
Need the security, the familiar warmth, of something consistent.

-A. Lewis