3:18 AM

No matter how great a night turns out...
Before the lights turn out,
You'll creep up on me.
Getting home and chilling alone,
The events of the night slowly fade.
Despite the memories made,
I find myself thinking about you.
What's a good time without you?
It's always great to see you enjoy yourself;
Our great times are unlike any else.
I'd love to share my fun,
Seeing as I don't share these thoughts.
Instead,
I'll just go shower, and get in the bed,
Counting the sheep in your field of forget-me-nots.
The same place you always hide.
Maybe one day I'll close the chapter,
But for now, I'll settle for rest and close my eyes.

-TAA

6:05 AM

Why is it that every time I miss you
You make it seem like a non-issue?

Why is it that every time I want to see you
It feels like I don't even have a way to reach you?

Why do you always go missing?
When you know my feelings are so insistent...

...consistent, persistent.
All three apply.
When it comes to you,
The well just won't run dry.
I dig deeper and deeper,
All I do is try.
All I want is a little reciprocity,
And you just can't seem to comply.
Caring defies logic,
Yet, on my feelings, you can rely.
I'm always interested in your conversation,
Yet, I never want to pry.
I also want to tell you that I don't care anymore,
But, I'm not one to tell such a stark lie.
I've always felt we could be something special,
That our story was written in the sky.
I've been vocal about it all;
I've heard nothing even close to a reply.
I wish you'd give me some answers;
Maybe things would be clear enough for me to say "goodbye."
Deep down, you know nothing keeps a gentle heart around
Like letting it spin its wheels on the endless carousel of "why."
Too kind to get fed up,
Too hopeful to let "maybe" pass by.
Such is the nature of our bond;
The complexity of you and I.
It could all be so simple,
But before you let me get close, you'd rather die.
And you're afraid that letting me in
Would allow me to learn why.

-TAA

4:16 AM

My views on love
Have changed with the times.
Maybe...
Just maybe, you can change my mind.
It's tough out here.
Some bring old dirt into new homes;
Others shack up,
Just to more comfortably roam.
None of us really want to be alone,
But we don't even know how to thrive independently.
...which I suppose is why we develop dependency.
Feelings often seem mature
While connections are in their infancy.
Infatuation is just a matter of initial intensity,
Emotions overwhelmed by new stimulation.
Though sticky, it's a temporary situation;
That phase will give way to what's real,
Though that flame, that sensation
Should be a reminder of why both parties decided to build.
The thing is,
Someone worth the effort
Can be hard to find.
My views on love
Have changed with the times.
Maybe...
Just maybe, you can change my mind.
Dating often feels like work.
And no one wants to give effort to an eventual lost cause.
However,
We should all put the prognostication on pause.
We're so afraid of having the rug pulled,
So afraid of getting hurt, we won't even text people first.
Forever misconstruing "thirst,"
Tainting the future by assuming the worst.
Quite a defense mechanism,
Seeing as we're not really afraid of those things.
What's truly scary is someone seeing our true, raw selves,
And knowing what that means.
Giving someone the power to cut where the scars already are,
And knowing what that brings.
Vulnerability.
That's a word we avoid, a word we deny,
A word that leads to stories of affection told from one side.
Miscommunication runs rampant,
Trust issues end up at an all-time high.
It can be difficult to find someone
That simply inspires me to try.
The thing is,
My views on love
Have changed with the times.
Maybe...
Just maybe, you can change my mind.

-TAA

3:58 AM

I really do...
I still do.

I know I shouldn't,
But I still care.
The feelings
Those damn feelings
Still there.
Memories flicker
Like flames deep within in a cave;
I assume the winds of time will extinguish,
But they merely provide the sway.
Shadows dance along the walls,
And I care for you, yet another day.
We just couldn't get it right.
Attempting to connect
Was like trying to start a fire;
I suppose that's why sparks flew
I suppose that's why it burned us both.
I suppose that's why I still feel warmth,
When I hold those memories close.
Time may heal all wounds,
But it cannot make us immune
To the recurrent ache of heartbreak,
Nor spare us the gloom.
So, deep in the darkness of my scars
Where the light of learning a lesson can't reach,
Memories flicker
Like flames deep within a cave.
Still there.
Those damn feelings
The feelings.
I still care,
But, I know I shouldn't.

...yet, I still do.
I really do.

-TAA

4:44 AM

You'll hear from me
When I'm not hearing from anyone else.
That said...
I can't tell if I'm fooling you,
Or fooling myself.
Does it mean we're so close
That we don't have to talk often?
Our relationship is special,
And we do give each other room to blossom.
I mean...you are awesome.
But why do I only think of you when I'm lonesome?
Does it mean you're just convenient?
Sticking around, waiting for more,
Offering benefits that I'm reaping?
It's confusing...
But there's so much certainty.
I know you'll pick up.
I know you'll come.
I know it's good...
I know I'll come.
All that coming,
Yet we can't arrive at a conclusion.
Feels real in those moments...
But in retrospect, it's like an illusion.
...is it a delusion?
Are we deceived by how close we get
Not realizing how distant we really are?
Never more than a text away,
Doubts get sexed away,
But once getting pulled back in wears off,
Our personal lives seem really far.
Different pages
Different chapters
Different books
Different genres
What does that all mean,
If our love of reading is what we have in common?
We've searched for each other's deeper meanings
We appreciate how our life stories have been written
Most people just read a chapter or two
And think that first spark means they're smitten.
I wish our situation was that simple.
All of these feelings between us
Is it a mine field, or a garden of common ground?
I'm as uncertain as ever...
But, I'm sure I want you around.
...right now.
In this instant.
While my options have gone missing.
Need the security, the familiar warmth, of something consistent.

-A. Lewis

3:58 AM (Poem x Rant)

Tell me...
Is there a character limit to my approach?
Does the attention you receive
Lead you to believe
That your actions are above reproach?
Is articulation too much for the span of your attention?
If I go beyond 140 spaces,
Am I just "spam,"
And my interest isn't worth a mention?
Do you only want a love that you can share,
That you can retweet?
Do you only want a man that other women favorite,
So you can prematurely claim him to feel complete?
Would you then no longer like him
If he didn't inspire many to comment on what you all posted?
Intimacy is longer than six seconds,
And connections don't happen in a snap.
I swear sometimes,
It feels like all of this social media stuff is a trap.

We feel so important, so self-aware,
Yet there's details about everyone posted everywhere.
Our attention gets whittled down to the next update.
Only time our minds run normally?
When we're up late.
So concerned with the personas we create
That we can't even proficiently communicate
Or simply relate.
No one wants to simply be a post
A trending topic
A hashtag.
Relationships are so much more.
It's all about attention and status updates now, though
Far more than nurturing and developing a beautiful rapport.
A culture sharing and what's next...
A culture of serial dating and misleading sex.
Sharing ourselves like our pages
And no, that's not implicit slut shaming.
Quick to let our guards down because we want quick results.
Expedient vulnerability leading to even quicker heartbreak,
While the ones most deserving can't even get a fair shake.
Then there are those whose apathy is feigned
Paper walls up so high, emotions so restrained
So afraid of being hurt,
That they live in a land of familiar, maintained pain.
What an interesting state of affairs...
High stakes, higher pace.
People aren't profiles though.
Instead of seeking instantaneous, intense romance,
We need to learn to take things slow.
Coldly clicking, swiping, scrolling, and liking
But face-to-face conversation will always light fires that grow.

5:07 AM

Murky waters
The joy of swimming
The adrenaline rush of limited sight
I don't know where this is going.
I understand that it's flowing,
But it's all so unclear.
We're supposed to be in this together
Yet, you're nowhere near.
You used to be...
I suppose you've gotten used to me.
Dog-paddling in a pond of puppy love
Everything was great
Next thing I know,
I'm in an ocean of emotional commotion
And we don't really relate
While struggling to communicate.
Life jacket on to keep from getting hurt,
But it's filled with fear.
Learned to carry it from past experiences
I suppose I didn't learn enough
If all I do is prepare for more of the same.
Feelings deep enough to drown in
Too dark to locate the surface.
Was this done on purpose?
Do you confuse me to have me trapped?
Lost, bewildered,
Left with no choice other than eating from your lap?
Or was this an accident?
Simply what happens
When you're too deep too soon?
Nah...
If that were the case,
There wouldn't be so much darkness.
Deep down, the grey area became black.
I'm just trying to get back.
It's all too unclear.
I understand that it's flowing,
But I don't know where this is going.
The lack of sight is troubling
Swimming in my own confusion is tiresome
Murky waters.

-A. Lewis