This Time Of Night...

My imagination runs wild at this time of night...
Is it chasing after you?
Why is it that you start sprinting when it's after 2?
Every corner of my mind closes in,
Seeking to trap you, slow things down.
All I'm ever left with is a fast-paced headache.
Throbbing from all of the poking and prodding,
All of the questions that you won't answer,
All of the desires I project on a ghost.
I continue to do the most,
While assuming you care the least.
Somewhere you're resting peacefully,
As I tweet about not being able to sleep.
Late nights that become early mornings...
Meant for passionate lovers or unrequited others.
Doubts rise with the moon,
A high tide of wide eyes staring at facts that haven't changed.
The only difference is that staring for so long has left things rearranged.
What I thought was affection was mere decorum,
What I thought was interest was simple friendliness.
The irony of falling crazy trying to make sense.
It's 3:55...too late to be so live,
Too early to have my mind in overdrive,
Too much of everything to be thinking of anything but sleep,
Yet my shallow confidence resonates in the deep...
My imagination runs wild at this time of night,
Chasing after peace of mind.
I want to be a factor in yours,
But I can't seem to keep more than a piece of mine.
...especially around this time.

-A. Lewis

Message In A Bottle (The Drunk Text)

If I drunk texted you,
Would you suddenly want me next to you?
Even if I didn't want the best for you?
Even if I only wanted sex with you?
There's a reason I hit you up...
You think it's because I've been missing you all along,
But it's really because you're what's safest when I'm all alone.
I remember all of the nights we had together,
So I figure we can be confused and sad together,
Right after we relive what we used to do after we got mad, together.
You assume I must've changed...
That my feelings have now been rearranged,
That I'm ready to admit I was wrong and I want to try it again...
But I'm really just trying to get inside it again.
You were a safe haven for my troubles;
I want you to provide it again.
You always gave love unconditionally,
And that's what I need.
Insecurity is a fire that burns within me,
So when I drink, I also feed.
My speech is slurred,
I'm misspelling my words,
I'm really in no shape to persuade you...
But the memories pervade you...
You lose perspective in the collective feelings,
Forget what time it is, and your defenses end up reeling.
Your soundness of mind is what I'm stealing,
Trying to replace the soundness of mine since it got lost in my dealings...
Wearing a condom won't prevent the seeds I'll leave in you.
The anguish, confusion, and vulnerability will seethe in you,
While in my hangover, I'll ponder less on what I see in you,
And more on how relieving it was to put that "D" in you.
You'll reread the texts, regret the sex,
And hate that you got caught up in thinking ahead to what would be next.
I was living in the moment...
You were blinded by what you thought it all meant.
I wasn't at all being thoughtful...
I simply sent you the message I found in a bottle.

-A. Lewis

Girls Love Rihanna **inspired by Drake's "Girls Love Beyonce"**

See..
Girls love Rihanna.
Girls love that she's a badass.
You?
You're no different, with your bad ass.
You swear you're a part of the "navy,"
Although your actions say "I'm drowning, come save me."
Lately, I can't believe I once thought you would play me.
Your looks slay me, have me near thirst daily,
And your mind captivates me.
So intellectual...such a sapiosexual.
Most guys get lost in you,
Breaking their hearts just to give you a piece...
Not knowing that you keep options, two apiece.
You also shed tears, two at least,
When you're drinking, feeding life to a beast.
You go out at night, leaving safety to find peace...
Your spirit got lost in the lights.
Laying in a cold bed with wet dreams,
Reading dry texts on warm nights.
Continually getting left while looking for Mr. Right...
Always left in the dark, despite being so bright...
Yet you're still the only girl in my sight.
Something about you is just different.
Despite deafening silence within you,
You know just how to listen.
However, we both know that something's missing.
I don't know what it is, but...

I'm not really sure how to feel about it,
Something in the way you move.
Makes me feel like I can't live without you,
Takes me all the way.
I want you to stay...

I want you to stay,
Love me in your special way.
What's missing is the part that I kept on giving,
A heart filled with empty commitments.
You've been hurt and you built walls with the pain,
But I chose to deal with the hurt by filling a moat with the rain.
I don't want you drowning trying to get to me...
Why is it that neither of us can get past history?
What's the point of finding love in a hopeless place,
If we're just going to fall in it at a hopeless pace?
Fail to find trust, only a hopeless trace?
Fail to build a foundation, only a hopeless brace?
Questions, doubts that need not be faced.
We may have baggage,
But I think it's time our luggage gets replaced.
Put your pain in wisdom,
I'll put mine in progress.
We'll support each other through the process.
You're used to dating men that you took on as projects...
I wonder if you'll leave when you realize I'm not that...
Got me gone in my feelings, and I'm not back.
I still don't know what it is, but...


I'm not really sure how to feel about it,
Something in the way you move.
Makes me feel like I can't live without you,
Takes me all the way.
I want you to stay...

I want you to stay.

-A. Lewis

A Bit of Gratitude...

Before I rest my head...
Let me thank you for what's been going on in it.
It's like your essence came along and sang a song in it,
And I've been writing poetry to figure out the lyrics.
It was a song of intrigue; my soul was stirred to hear it.
Most would be wary of such intrusion, and fear it...
I consider you a welcome stranger though, one of the dearest.
Your soul found my imagination's "on" switch,
And dared to do more than just go near it.
Fingerprints left all over the handle...I didn't clear it.
I'm sure if you had known you were there,
You'd have taken the evidence of your relevance and smeared it...
But you were unaware.
I was writing, and it was you to whom I geared it.
Yet, you had no idea that it took that direction because you steered it.
You must not know about your alluring spirit...
But, you must know that I thank you for inspiring mine.
It must be nice to know that you're capable of inspiring minds.

-A. Lewis

Dreams Money Can Buy - 3/28/13 (started this way back in Summer '12...just never finished it)

It seems we all have dreams that money can buy...
But no matter how honest the dreams, money can lie.
Dreams require attention, and money can vie;
Nothing material brings happiness, but money can try.
The joy is in the purchase, not in the possession.
Victims of avarice have to go broke to learn this lesson.
Happiness is priceless, and so is a vision.
Even if the dream is as shallow as a stream, fulfillment takes precision.
Dedication and practice make the mind accurate.
Pinpointing a goal is the only way to go after it.
However, money can turn a dream into an oasis.
Greed fuels illusions of grandeur,
Which can blind you of what your true destination is.
And that's how we end up with dreams that money can buy....
Avarice blurs all of the lines, but money can eye.
We try to come to our senses, but money can spy,
And It'll turn our focus green with envy; money can dye.
Dreams should be private, but money can pry.
Dreams require diligence, and money can ply.
Nothing material brings happiness, and money can try,
But when it comes time for a dream to be grounded by faith,
Money WILL fly.

-A. Lewis

Chalk Outline - 3/23/13

If you had to draw me, you'd use the darkest charcoal you could find.
Deep down, you would rather draw me with a chalk outline.
And that would be rather fitting,
Since the White version of me is all you see while I'm living.
I'm a thug on sight.
My pants are supposed to sit so low that my boxers are in plain sight,
And the rest my preferred attire is a tall t-shirt that's white, right?
I'm a violent killer that sells silent killers to my people?
A monkey that cannot reason beyond the option to be lethal?
A dark mark on any business that employs me?
Constantly tardy,
And since I can't relate to them, my coworkers hardly enjoy me?
I'm just a lazy bum since the government pays me a sum?
A deadbeat father that won't even visit his son?
An ignorant, belligerent, degenerate?
All of that, and more, is the chalk outline I've been living with.
I was never found dead in the street,
But a crime scene is what I've been dealing with.
I'm not allowed to leave the murder of my reputation behind.
Four walls of yellow tape have created a myopic paradigm.
I was outlined in chalk at birth,
Told what type of Black man I could be.
The crime scene tape read 'violence, sex, drugs, and entertainment,'
As that was all I was ever meant to see.
That was all that was ever meant for me.
I was to be swallowed by darkness,
Chasing a light I could never reach.
Stereotypes were shackles placed around my mind,
While hope was an idea that was difficult to teach.
My life was to be simply black and white,
As if this world isn't filled with colors...
But I soon learned that most aren't concerned with the success of brothers.
Not when they ostracize and profit off of the 'reality' of our mothers,
While targeting and incarcerating our fathers.
Not when we're either good helpers or great bothers.
A stereotype of any kind can permeate any mind,
Turning a first impression into the worst impression one can find.
Even if untrue, stereotypes canvass the mind for prejudice, then bind.
Ironically, they're like black holes looking for a place to shine,
Where they can house dark thoughts that keep you from seeing a light like mine.
And that's appropriate,
Since if you had to draw me, you'd use the darkest charcoal you could find.
Deep down, you would rather draw me with a chalk outline.
Such is my plight.
It could mean only one of two things:
I'm dead or defined by White.

-A. Lewis

Just Imagine... (Musings at 3 AM)

Just imagine...
Under a blanket of stars,

A thin sheet of light in the darkness of the night.

Snuggle, cuddle, tuggle with me.

We've had love on repeat, 

But let's play lust on our heartstrings...
Have the sounds take our minds away,
Leaving souls and bodies to mingle.

Maybe we'll dream of a vacation,

A spellbinding trip to many moons.
Inspired souls will use bodies as vehicles,
Driving to get each other to the destination.

And as we lay it down,

I promise I'll take you to a place where you can't make a sound...

You just enjoy it all and await coming back down.
A new space in your mind featuring moons abound....

Places you could only imagine.

Eyes closed to see it all happen.
Just imagine...

-A. Lewis